Top 45 Hilarious Accounting Jokes You Need Now

Whether you’re deep into tax season or it’s over (for a few minutes), accountants need an opportunity to take a break with accounting jokes. Or keep “financing” (whatever makes you happiest)!

We know how hard people in finance and accounting roles work and deserve relief from the stress and deadlines.

Here are, in our opinion, the top 45 accounting jokes to bring a chuckle to your day or share with colleagues:

Accounting Jokes to Liven Up Your Day

1. What do you call an accountant with an opinion?

An auditor.

2. How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh?

The Net Present Value.

3. Why are accountants so cool, calm, and collected?

They have strong internal controls.

4. What do you call a trial balance that does not balance?

A late night.

5. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?

Depreciation.

6. What does an accountant say when getting on a train?

Mind the GAAP.

7. How many accountants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

How many did it take last year?

8. What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?

Lost.

9. What do accountants like most about the weekends?

They get to wear casual clothes to work!

10. Why don’t skunks have to pay taxes?

They’ve only got one scent.

11. Why do accountants make good lovers?

They’re great with figures!

12. What do actuaries do to liven up their parties?

Invite an accountant.

13. It’s an accrual world.

14. How was copper wire invented?

Two accountants were arguing over a penny. (via parade.com)

15. Did you hear about the cannibal CPA?

He charges an arm and a leg!

16. Have you heard the one about the fun accountant?

Me neither.

17. What do you call an accountant without a calculator?

Lonely.

18. How can you tell if an accountant is extroverted?

They look at your shoes when talking to you instead of looking at their own.

19. What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?

Accountants know they’re boring.

20. When do accountants fall over?

When they lose their balance. (via parade.com)

21. What’s an accountant’s favorite type of cereal?

Post!

22. Ever wonder why it’s called a Form 1040?

For every $50 you earn, you get $10 and they get $40.

23. How do accountants manage to stay out of debt?

They learn to act their wage.

24. A person went to the doctor who told them they only had six months to live. “Oh my God!” said the person. “What shall I do?”

“Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor. “Why?” asked the person. “Will that make me live longer?” “No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.”

25. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see their doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” they say. “Have you tried counting sheep?” inquires the

doctor.

That’s the problem — I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it. (via Nichole Morford at LifeHealthPro)

26. What is the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don’t understand. (via Groco)

27. What is the definition of a good tax accountant?

Someone who has a loophole named after them.

28. Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?

They find bookkeeping too exciting.

29. What’s an accountant’s idea of trashing their hotel room?

Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

30. Which superhero pays no tax?

Spiderman, all his income is net. (via rd.com)

31. Where do actors who don’t pay taxes perform?

In the audit-orium. (via rd.com)

32. Why did the two CPAs finally call off their on-again, off-again romance?

They couldn’t reconcile their differences. (via rd.com)

33. Why did Sherlock Holmes get audited by the IRS?

He had too many deductions. (via rd.com)

Accounting One-Liners

34. Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.

35. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

36. If a VP of Finance’s partner cannot sleep, all they have to say is “Dear, tell me about your day at work.”

37. Children may be tax deductible, but they’re still taxing.

38. They say that two things in life are unavoidable: death and taxes. At least death only happens once!

39. There are two steps to creating a successful accounting business: (1) Don’t tell them everything that you know. (2) [redacted]

40. For every tax problem encountered there is a solution that’s straightforward, uncomplicated, and wrong.

Bonus! More Accountant Jokes

Have you integrated AI or GenAI into your finance team? Let’s see what ChatGPT comes up with for finance jokes…

41. Why do accountants make great detectives?

They always follow the money train and know when something doesn’t add up.

42. What’s an accountant’s favorite movie?

The Count of Monte Cristo.

43. Why did the accountant break up with their calculator?

It couldn’t handle the emotional divide.

44. What’s an accountant’s preferred exercise?

Doing crunches…number crunches!

45. If you had to hire an accountant in Transylvania, who would you choose?

Count Dracula, naturally. Bleh, bleh-bleh! (Okay. That last one was all human. Scary, but all human.)

Do You Love Accountant Jokes?

Some of these may have been in the “accounting dad jokes” category, but at least one made you grin. We know accountants have an excellent sense of humor, but sometimes your job leaves you in the red.

So if you’re in the accounting and financial services industry and interested in a new, rewarding position, review our clients’ current accounting job openings.

Or join the candidate database where LHH recruiters will start a personalized job search on your behalf.

Finally, if you’ve recently experienced a layoff and LHH Career Transition & Outplacement services are part of your severance or separation agreement, be sure to activate them before the deadline.

This article was originally published May 23, 2023, and updated by the LHH Content Team in November 27, 2024.